Friday, May 29, 2009

Medical Help PART 2

I continued to see the medical doctor for several weeks,kept taking my medicine, and began counseling sessions at a place called "Quest." Ian went with me the first couple of times, and then I started being "dropped off," and seeing my therapist one-on-one. My prescription dosages were increased. The Lexapro didn't help me much and I was hesitant to take Xanax because of side effects. But I took it when I had to, and happened into a routine of Lexapro in the morning and Xanax around bedtime (with a bowl of cereal)to help me sleep. I found myself in a frustrating, maddening Catch-22 of needing the med to get even a few hours of sleep, but then waking up every morning sick to my stomach from it, and nervous and depressed all over again. I dreaded waking up to another day. And I would still wake up in the middle of the night quite often, with anxiety, and hearing the sounds of my newborn...I would pass him in the living room, on my way to the kitchen. (I would eat a snack, pray, pace,cry, try to calm down and get back to sleep.)I felt guilty and grieved that I wasn't the one up with him through the night, giving him his bottle. For 4 weeks straight, my parents, mostly my mom, took on that responsibility. 

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